I’m struggling.
Really struggling.
I feel like I am drowning, and this wave of emotional draining will never stop.
I feel like I cannot do anything right, cannot make anyone happy, least of all myself. Drowning.
Nothing goes well, nothing is finished, nothing is completed. Tiredness consumes me, anger only makes me more tired, which makes me grumpy.
It feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Banging my head on a brick wall endlessly, dealing with behaviours from traumatised kids.
I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s just a pinprick.
I just want the tiredness to stop.
Fostering is hard work. Don’t anyone ever tell you otherwise. Long nights, long days, and the knowledge that you “are just a volunteer”; we have no legal rights, no official say in what happens to our foster children. The Department can take them on a whim, it seems, with very little explanation or notice. (Not that this has happened to us, but I know people who it has happened to.)
Dealing with traumatised kids, in some instances who trauma is beyond belief, kids who have been abused - physically and emotionally, who need help: but getting access to that help is very difficult. It goes without saying (to me, at least) that kids should have full access to therapies and counselling to improve their chances of becoming functional adults, and helping to prevent the cycle of abuse and neglect that seems to see future children back in the foster care system again.
I am tired.
